Blessings Of The Most Unexpected Kind....

Hi Everyone,

 I am not sure if I had posted this page or not but I found it in my stash and thought that I would post it and hope that it is not a repeat!

 Ok today's blog is really going to be emotional for me. And I have to go back into the past of about 14 or 15 years.

 In 1991 there were two very special little boys born that year. My son Nathaniel and a little boy named Derek. From birth these two little boys were practically inseparable. Derek's mom and I were best friends. Derek was like my own child. As the boys grew Derek was such a part of my family that he was always at my house.
 One night his mom Theresa called me. "Derek is missing." Police were called, a search party was in effect. I and everyone else  was searching everywhere, but he was no where to be found. At one point we didn't know if this was a stranger abduction or what. I was one of the searchers. And while I was out I begin to think of my own kids and had to go home to check on them. I entered the boys bedroom. There was a window open. My heart stopped at that point because not only was the window open the screen was off. I flipped on the light and I saw that my boys were in their beds. As I reached to close the window, I saw my precious Derek with a blanket and pillow on the floor. Sound asleep.  You cannot imagine the relief. I am sure that you can if you ever had to deal with a missing child.

 As the years passed and we would wake up many many many times over those years to discover Derek asleep on the sofa or in with the boys. When his mom would call and say "Derek is not here" I would go and check and say "He's here." The thing with Derek is that he is so smart. At 3 years old he tested out at 6th grade level math. He was reading before he was 3 and would hold in depth conversations about the extinction of Dinosaurs and he soaked up knowledge like a sponge. I always hoped that some of that would rub off on Nathan but ohhhh well.... lol.

 What really drove Derek to my home more often than not was the fact that his mom and dad would get into these horrible fights. She wanted total control of everything. His father was what you would call a functioning alcoholic. He was a beer drinker from the time that he came home from work to the time that he went back to work. Teresa would hide his beer and the fights would start and she was famous for the words "I don't have to take your abuse." Never mind that she was also dishing our her own version of abuse as well. One thing that they never did to my knowledge was physically abuse Derek. Because I would ask him. He would just say mom and dad are busy abusing each other. This came from a child of 4. The next 6 years would find Derek with me on a daily basis. He was as much my child as theirs. When we went to the movies and out to eat, so did Derek. When we had Christmas and birthday parties Derek was right in the mix. Theresa would have Christmas Eve with Derek but he always sneaked out of the house and was at ours Christmas morning. I took him to school and picked him up every day. From Friday to Monday morning I had Derek. I had him before school and after, and so I thought of him as MY Child in every way that mattered.
 Theresa made sure that Derek had the best of clothes, and toys and what she could afford. She always gave me money for what he needed as well.

 The year that Derek was 10 our whole world changed. Mom and Dad had another big fight and as they were nose to nose pointing fingers at each other dads finger poked mom in her eye. She had to go to the hospital because it was an eye injury. Not bad enough really for the hospital but she went anyway. Derek went to school on Monday and when the teacher asked what they did over the weekend he said my mom had to go to the hospital because my dad abused her and she said that I was abused too.

 Child Protective Services snatched him out of that house in a blink of an eye. They told Theresa that they were setting her up with a safety net. She could stay in the house and the dad could leave but Theresa said no she would leave. During this time they told her not to go back to the house for anything. If she needed anything then they would arrange the police to go with her to get what she needed. But being the control freak that she was she did what she wanted. She would take Derek to the house in the mornings to get clothes or what ever. His dad was home one particular morning and she went in, dressed Derek in some clothes and took him to school. As it would happen CPS happened to come in and talk to Derek and he didn't lie to them when they asked if he had been home. Derek did not know how to lie. He just told them yes and yes he saw his father and yes his mom told him not to tell.

 They took Derek and placed him in foster care 2 hours from where we lived. During this time I was undergoing tests to find out what was wrong with my kidney. They wouldn't place him with me because I lived to close to him and since it was a small town they were afraid that I couldn't protect him from his mom and dad and they were aware of my own medical needs at that time and I cried but they knew that it was in Dereks best interest. Me and the kids could go and visit Derek twice a week when they scheduled parental visitations and would bring Derek back to our county. We were not under the same supervised visits as his parents so we could go to the park or McDonald's or where ever. The social worker always allowed us privacy although she would accompany us where ever we had to go.
 Then later on the Foster Family would invite us for a day to their home or what ever activity that they had Derek in and he bloomed and blossomed and thrived under their care. They were awesome people and they loved him too. In fact so much that they wanted to adopt him if that time ever came.

 CPS ordered a lot of criteria to be met if they wanted Derek back. Parental classes, Anger management and counseling and several other things. The dad did everything that the court ordered. He joined AA and went on medication for the drinking, he went into therapy, took every class they ordered. In fact he went over and beyond what was expected.
 Theresa was defiant. No way was they going to tell her what she had to do. She refused Al Anon, Parental classes, anger management and counseling and in fact did not attend a single one. She was not going to be controlled, not even to get Derek back. Instead she hired a high priced attorney and the legal battle begin.

 Our friendship started dying a slow death. I was convinced if they wanted her to jump thru hoops of a ring of fire that she needed to do it. And we begin to argue as well because she was upset that I and the kids could go and spend hours with Derek when we could and she would say to me... You know where my son is and you will not tell me. How can you be my friend? But I knew if she knew where he was then CPS would move him and revoke my privileges with him. No I was not going to tell her where he was and then she started questioning my kids on the sly. So the Foster Parents and I came up with a plan that I not tell the kids that we were going to see Derek and we would meet closer to home or in a different town, that way my kids would not be caught up in accidentally  giving away Dereks location. He was safe.

 Even tho the dad was doing what he was supposed to do he and Theresa would make it a point to harass each other. She would follow him home from work, and finally he moved out of the house and she moved back in. Still she would hire people to follow him. She would call and scream at him and say that this was all of his fault. Every time they appeared before the Judge she would argue until the Judge threatened to incarcerate her for contempt of court. That got her attention, barely.

 The last time that I saw her she came over and she asked to borrow a blouse to wear to court. She said that things were going in her favor and that she was probably going to get Derek back the next day. She promised to come over as soon as she could. Well I didn't hear from her and I couldn't get in touch with anyone and finally I called her work which I did several times when I had Derek in the years before and it was not a problem but this night they said... "I will have to let you talk to my supervisor."  I was told that Theresa was on life support and that I needed to contact the hospital. I did and was put in touch with a family member who told me that the judge had terminated Theresa's parental rights and she started crying, and cried so hard that she had an asthma attack. She had asthma really bad. On the way out of the courthouse she fell and hit her head. They were just waiting for the family to be flown in to take her off life support.

 There is a lot more to this story but I cannot go into it all because it is just so long but I of course seen Derek at his mothers memorial service and then they flew her body to Michigan for burial and his sisters began seeking custody of Derek. Derek was in Michigan for a long while but finally he wanted to come home and so he went back to his Foster Family. I was undergoing serious amounts of testing and surgeries on my kidney. I made the trip one last time to see Derek with his foster family and then I had my big surgery and was in and out of the hospitals for the next year and could no longer even drive. By this time Karyn had her drivers license and took over many of our own responsibilities and when I had my final big kidney surgery I made a promise that if I lived thru it I was going to be happy. When I could I started packing and I rented a storage unit and I left my husband and moved. I kept up with Derek thru letters and phone calls and then I got the word that Derek went home with his dad.

 By this time I had moved to Nevada and that in it's self is a story for another day, but we lost touch. Not a day went by tho that he was not in my thoughts and prayers. My letters would come back to me so I lost touch with him.

 Fast forward .... Last night as I had my hands deep in to making dinner my phone rang. I was racing for my phone because I was expecting a call.... It was not the one that I was expecting. I said Hello... and silence... then as I was about to hang up I heard a voice on the other end... "Mom? It's Derek..... Ohhhh I am crying now...

 We spent over an hour talking. We were both crying and laughing and Oh I cannot tell you the joy that was spilling out over the phone. It was a surprise... Matthew my son found a way to get in touch with him. Accidentally actually. He gave Derek my phone number and promised not to tell me that he had seen Derek and so it was a BIG surprise to get that phone call.... and we are going to meet soon. He is working out west but is home now caring for his dad and he said he will see me soon. He will be taking time off work and he said Mom I might be there for Christmas.... Sooooooooo that is my big news........ This is what happens when you Believe in Miracles and know that God does hear our prayers...

 Be Blessed everyone, reach out to those that you have lost contact with.... BB