My Brother Has Left This Earth

 My brother James Ray Adams,

 I lost my brother James yesterday afternoon at around 4:30 pm. James had cancer. They found cancer in a tumor in his kidney, spine, neck and in his chest. A week ago today the doctors told him that it was stage 4 and they gave the news of 2 to 6 months and the doctor said that was stretching it.
 Hospice came in and set him up last Friday and he didn't even last a week. He was home, that is where he wanted to be. He went in his sleep. For that I am grateful. He has suffered a lot of pain these past few months so now his suffering is over.

 It is not about me. The sadness that I am feeling is about me, but for the most part it is for all of the things that he went thru and having cancer ravaged his body.  This post is dedicated to my brother.

 James was 70 years and 6 months to the day. Bonnie my sister in law said that he had a painful night the night before. She gave him his medicine and thought that he was hallucinating. He kept talking about a white cat. Bonnie said that she told him that it was his medicine that and then he started talking about other people that had gone on before him. My mama and daddy and uncles. In the end he went to sleep. Bonnie said that she and her daughter went out to water the yard and something told them to come in and check on him. He was gone.

 It was hard understanding Bonnie over the phone as she was crying really hard. What a lot of people don't know is that James and Bonnie were pretty private people after they sold their home and moved away. We didn't see each other as often as we had before. But our last phone call was filled with a lot of laughter and joy and I will keep those memories close by.

 My cousin asked me to post this page of James that I had made a couple of years ago and I will add it to Facebook at some point. Maybe later tonight. Or maybe later on. Right now I am filled with bittersweet memories. From the time that I was a little girl, to the years he was fighting in Vietnam, to the stories that he told and later on as I grew up my whole world revolved around my brother. I am so serious about that.

 I was going thru some pictures and I want to share them with you today. Some of these are from years ago when the girls were younger. These were taken the year that my older brother from my dads first marriage came to visit. It was a family reunion for all of us... Enjoy these pics from the past.

James is in Blue and my brother Barry is in the red. James served in the Navy and Barry served in the Air Force. Of course there was a lot of bantering back and forth between them. This was the first time that they had met. James was my mother's second born and Barry was my dad's first born.

 This is James with his family. Bonnie his wife in pink, their daughter Mary Jo and the young man is Mary Jo's son Forrest. This was taken one Christmas. Actually it was New Year's Day. We had a big ice storm heading our way and my furnace decided to die on us in the middle of the night. I made a huge ham and all the fixings this particular holiday. Bonnie helped me and Mary Jo and Forrest had brought either a Guinea Pig or a Ferret that year and they entertained the kids with it.

 James and Laurie... same Holiday. You can tell by the way that Laurie is dressed that the ice storm had not hit us at this point. Laurie and Karyn had a free membership at the local tanning salon. Laurie was getting a good tan going at this point. We were surprised that she didn't burn being so light skin and blonde hair. She is sitting on her Uncle Jame's lap.

 Next in line was Karyn sitting with her Uncle James. He loved all the kids but the girls were always his favorites... He just loved the pretty girls is all... haha!

 The boys were so little then. Wow... This is the Christmas my brother Barry came to visit. I took this photo just before James and his family got there. We had 2 Christmas Trees. We had this one in the kitchen/dining room and the big one in the living room.

 One of my favorite pictures of my brother. He was a part of the SeeBee's.... This is where he learned construction work. I have this copy but I would love to know what happened to the framed picture that my mama had.

 Before the Navy my brother James was in the National Guard. He trained in Puerto Rico. After he was discharged from the National Guard is when he went into the Navy. I remember my mom praying every night for his safe return from Vietnam. She never could understand why he joined the Navy and went back to Vietnam. I remember this year because he made a surprise visit home. He knocked on the door and and my mama answered it and there he stood. It was late at night and we had school the next morning but all was forgotten as he walked in the door. If I remember right we still had to go to school the next morning.

 During this leave, I remember that James and I watched a movie "Call Of The Wild" and we watched on Saturday Night "Roller Derby and Wrestling. I was a pest and I know I was. I was afraid to let him out of my site. One of our favorite shows was The 3 Stooges... and since there were us 3 girls that is what he called us. I was Mo......

 Now these next pictures are not as easy to share. But they are my latest pics of him. Cancer certainly really ravishes the body.


 This is this past Easter Sunday. He had a good Easter. His grandson Forrest and the kids. He was a sucker for these kids....

The Chemo really was harsh with him. Hard to believe that in 4 days after these photos were taken that he passed away.

 My sisters called tonight and said that there is a 48 wait on his Military paper work. He will have a service in the Funeral Home Chapel. My sister Linda said that it was really beautiful. Then they picked out their plots in the town of Morgan Mills. He didn't want to be buried at the military cemetery. He wanted to be close to his family and his beloved cattle, horses, donkey and dogs. So we will drive from the service at the funeral chapel to the grave site where he will have a 21 gun salute and instead of flowers they are draping the coffin with his flag. In lieu of flowers they are asking for donations to the Cancer Society. So I canceled my flower order.

 This is the easiest way for me to get out my grief. We all have to mourn differently, so this is how I choose to do so. In remembrance. I am finding comfort in the fact that he had a good Easter and was able to spend the time with the kids, had a great meal and had fun watching the kids hunt Easter Eggs.

 I probably will not post again until after the funeral. It is going to be a hard day but this will be for the family. We know that he is not there. Just the vessel that use to belong to him in this life. My sister's say that my sister in law Bonnie is taking it hard as well as Forrest. Mary Jo hasn't said to much. Other than they were giving her grief about work. She is like... Are you serious? I just lost my step father and you want me to come to work. .... Bonnie and James Married just before Mary Jo turned 6. So he raised her. Of course she is taking time off of work. Her mother needs her.

 I am going to see if Bonnie wants to come and spend some time here with me. We will have to share my room, but she made need a break. Then again she might prefer to just stay home. Someone will have to tend to the animals as well. Maybe I can look at my calendar and see what appointments I have that can be rescheduled and spend some time with her. We will see what she wants to do.

 So for now I am going to close and try to sleep.... I will probably go and post the page of James on Facebook that I made for him and try to get some sleep. We are all tired and mentally struggling in our own way. I know that he would not want us to bogged down in grief, but I also know that it is a natural process that we have to go thru.

 Be kind to one another and don't put off those phone calls, and tell those that you love them. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.... Until next time.... BB