Do You Know A Woman Of Strength?

 Hi everyone,

 It is late. I have been on the phone tonight for long periods of time. I have been trying to go to bed since about 8:00 pm but I guess that tonight was a night that I was needed. Not really to talk, Not really to advise but mainly just listen.
 Of course I talked, and I listened but mainly the reasons for these calls were "I need to talk to someone, will you listen to what I have to say?"
 And I did and while I was doing so I scrapped this page because there was a common need among every woman I spoke to tonight. They are Women Of Quiet Strength. They just don't see or feel it. But I did.

 One of my friends mother is fighting drug and alcohol  abuse. She lost her husband of 50 years. A few glasses of wine turned into a bottle and then 2 bottles and so on. One sleeping pill turned into more and more. My friend had to call for help. She had to place her mother into the hospital and she did so quietly and she did so to save her mother's dignity. Very few people know of her struggle and the heartbreak of my friends actions and circumstances.
 My friend feels like the lowest person on earth right now. How could I do this to my mother? she asked. Will my mother forgive me for doing this? What more could I have done? Should I have prayed more? Should I have had more faith?
 She really didn't need validation that what she had done was the right thing. She knows professionally that it was the right thing. What she wanted was for someone to listen to her fears and for someone to let her know that she is not alone in her battle. I hope that I helped in some small way.

 My grand daughters mother, (she and my son did not marry) but she is a struggling single parent. I have been there. I listened as she explained that she is losing her job at the end of May. Fear had struck her. What if I can't find another job? What happens if me or the baby get sick? She has been trying to find the time to get most of her teeth pulled. She was like me. The pregnancy took most of the calcium from her body. She was fighting toothache after toothache and knew that she had to get them out.
 On Monday April 11th she received a letter saying that her insurance would be canceled April 30th. She was horribly upset. Last Thursday she made an appointment and was scheduling  the removal  for mid May even tho she really couldn't afford it. While she was there the receptionist took a call. The other party was canceling their appointment. "Can you come in tomorrow at 8:15. It seems that we have an opening. So Friday the dentist removed 16 teeth. The rest are keepers and that is not all. Today she went back to be fitted for her partial and the insurance will cover it.
 She is still fearful of her job, but the good news is that she wanted to share her faith with me, what God had done for her and if he did this for her then he would care for her in her career. The money my son sends to her in child support will carry her along for awhile and he told her that he would send what ever extra he could. I told her that no matter what, between her family and ours we would not let her sink. We would be there for her as much as she needed.

 I have not talked to another friend in a few weeks. Her mom called her and said... "Your grandmother is dying." My friend was looking for an airline ticket that she could afford when she got the call that her grandmother had passed away. Just a couple weeks earlier she lost her beloved great aunt. She was also taking care of her disabled father and struggled with the decision to leave and go to Kansas or not. In the end she went. They had cremated her grandmother a half hour before she got there. She felt that she lost all opportunity to say her goodbyes. We talked for over an hour. The pain of not being able to be with her grandmother, the horrible trip home which she had to take a bus and the bus driver was unsafe and locked them on the bus for a half hour, and she was very tired and upset as it was and the bus driver refused to let them even talk. She sent a text to a friend to tell her that she was upset and she and her husband told her to get off at the next stop and they were coming after her. She said she slept for 2 days once she was at home.

 The first phone call came from my son's fiance. It was a cry for help. She is drinking a lot. More than she ever has before and doesn't know why. "Am I an alcoholic or am I border line? I have a wonderful man in my life and he loves me and I love him, why am I doing this? Why am I so depressed when this is the happiest time of my life? Why am I struggling so hard? What am I doing wrong? Will Matthew leave me because of this?
 We talked about adjustments, her job, her relationship and I asked if she was homesick and she said no it wasn't any of those reasons. Finally we got to the root of what could have triggered this, or at least it is a little bit of some of the reasons and I do believe that there are more than she even realizes but at least we were able to talk about it in some depth. This isn't a recent thing. A part of  this happened several years ago apparently but still as fresh in her mind now as it was then.
  I think that the trigger is that her first husband committed suicide and she can't seem to stop thinking of it. She feels that she is to blame because he wanted the divorce to marry her sister and she refused to give him the divorce. She thinks if she hadn't stood in the way that her sister and he would have been happy together and that this is her fault. She is drinking to stop thinking.
 She promised me that she will talk to my son tomorrow and tell him everything that she has been dealing with. She promised to find a doctor and look up a local AA chapter. We will see.

 So tonight I have a lot in my heart. I also have a fear, that I didn't say anything that would be wrong when they asked me for advise. I really tried not to give it. I really tried to just be compassionate and empathize with their pain. But it was obvious that they needed my input at some point. So it has been a very long evening for me. I promised to call to check on them tomorrow. I promised and so I will..... So to all of you out there, remember that your not alone. Never alone. It might feel like it but I promise that there is someone to listen. It might be the lady down the street, or the man at the grocery store, or a Pastor or even a stranger. When you think that your at the bottom... Remember, your stronger than you think.......... God Bless and Good Night... or Morning... BB